


Bliss in Solitude

by grethan-allmance (Sapphire09)



Series: Grethan Drabbles [11]
Category: The Dolan Twins, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: But you can read it either way, Gen, POV Second Person, Platonic Relationship, There's comfort though, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire09/pseuds/grethan-allmance
Summary: There is a feeling deep inside your bones, making you feel like there were lead and steel pinning your limbs on the bed you laid on. A heavy feeling already settled on top of your chest, a familiar sensation that your brother liked to call laziness. Still, you kept your eyes closed even as your mind told you to wake up, to move, before that heaviness settled far too deep in you.You wanted to go back to that oblivion, to ignore the world and press pause to your existence.You hated that your brother wouldn't let you.





	Bliss in Solitude

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: depression, or kinda depression? There's something like it going on anyway.

You wake up to the sound of your brother yelling your name.  _Always so loud in the morning, why does he have to be so loud_ , you thought, though you kept your eyes closed and tried to deafen your ears to the noise your brother was making. You wanted to stay where you are, on the comfort of your bed and in the warmth of your blanket, wishing the concept of time can stop existing. 

There is a feeling deep inside your bones, making you feel like there were lead and steel pinning your limbs on the bed you laid on. A heavy feeling already settled on top of your chest, a familiar sensation that your brother liked to call laziness. Still, you kept your eyes closed even as your mind told you to wake up, to  _move_ , before that heaviness settled far too deep in you. 

You exhaled, you can barely hear the words your brother was saying, can barely notice the automatic words you said in response before you were returned back to your little oblivion. 

Of course, you were pulled back to the world, again with your brother's voice echoing in your ears. No time seemed to have passed, but your brother was already complaining, stubborn and forceful as he usually was in the morning. 

You checked the time. You realized you already lost more than half a day. The clock in your phone told you it was two in the afternoon already.

You know it was bad, but you don't feel like it matters, not the way you are now. It should.

Still, you feel reluctant to get up. Everything feels heavy. It would be so easy to just stay on your bed, not doing anything for the rest of the day. Close your eyes and let the rest of the day passes you. Maybe, tomorrow you won't feel so apathetic anymore.

"Hey, c'mon, wake up! Ethan!" Your brother shook you, trying to rouse you out of the comfort of your bed. You probably should get up, but you chose to burrow yourself further into your comforter, wishing your brother would just leave you alone.

But, your brother is as stubborn as you are. He hit you and annoy you and took your comforter away from you that you just knew he wouldn't let you have some more sleep. You know you should wake up anyway, but the lead in your bones makes even moving felt like such a _chore_.

"I'm up, I'm up!" you say, hoping against hope he'd just  _leave_. You're  _up._ What more does he  _want?_

Your brother frowns at you, and you hate him a little bit for that. You know perfectly well how you are acting and you know what he will say.  _'Lazy'_ he'll say. You hated how the way he looks at you makes you feel small, like nothing is going right and you want to hide and disappoint him some more.

"You okay?" he asks you, concern in his voice. Now, you hate him for asking, for seeing you and making you feel like crying. There is no reason to cry.

"No," you say to him, hating yourself for wanting his attention. You turn over so you don't have to look at him. You hate him for not leaving you alone and let you be.

There's a hand on your forehead, big and stocky and exactly like yours but not.

"You don't seem sick," he mutters from behind you, then the hand moves up, petting your hair a little. You don't want that hand to go.

"Go away," you say. But, the hand doesn't move, and Grayson stays.

"You should have a shower," he said, still petting your hair and ignoring what you said. "Your hair is kinda greasy, _ew_. You also smell kinda funky. Go shower."

You don't want to move, but he is still petting you and not leaving you alone. You're also awake and despite feeling like lead, you can't go back to sleep.

You don't want to  _mov_ e. You feel tired and heavy and you don't _want_ to  _move_. You want to be stubborn and stay in your bed and bury yourself inside your comforter, but Grayson's hand is on your head and he's waiting behind you and you  _hate_ him.

"Go shower, E," he says again.

The hand falls away as you move to get up. You glance behind you to see him looking at you. You frown, hating him for making you move.

"Nag, nag, nag," you mutter, loud enough that he hears it. You heard him huff as you stand up, feeling slightly dizzy from that action. Everything felt heavy and the bathroom seems so far, but Grayson was looking and not moving so you move your legs toward it anyway.

You stare at your shower, not feeling like it. But, Grayson was right. Your hair is greasy and you can smell the stink of your sweat. You should have a shower. You're in the bathroom anyway.

But still, the prospect of moving makes you think if you can postpone it for later. You don't have any plans to go anywhere, anyway. You can just shower tomorrow. Besides, you remember your shampoo was running out. Might as well shower tomorrow.

"Why are you just standing there?" your brother suddenly appears, startling you from your thoughts.  There is a new bottle of shampoo in his hand, thrust towards you. It is the brand you usually use.

"Here. Now go shower. You smell nasty, Bro."

You hate him again. Can't he just leave you alone?

" _You're_  nasty," you mutter, though he doesn't hear you since he left you to your own devices after giving you the bottle of shampoo. You stare at the shampoo, still not feeling like showering and tempted to just go back to your bed, but you are inside your bathroom, the shower is right in front of you, and you have your shampoo.

So you force your feet to move and showers.

You came out of your bathroom, clean and smelling like soap, feeling slightly more human than lead.

* * *

You're dressed in your soft, threadbare t-shirt and boxer shorts. It's not like you're going anywhere. You have half a mind to lay back down on your bed, but you went outside of your room instead, wondering where your nagging, annoying brother is.

You found him in the dining area on his phone, food boxes and plate in front of him. He looked up at you when he heard you approaching.

"Good, you smell better now," he grinned at you. "I ordered in lunch. Come eat with me."

You don't feel like eating. You don't feel like hearing him eat. You regretted not staying in your room as you wanted. It must show in your face, since your brother pouts at you.

"I got you your favorite~" he sing-songs, already moving to move the content in one of the boxes onto the plate. It is your favorite, so you sit your ass down on the dining chair apprehensively.

Grayson passes the food that he already set to the plate towards you, before moving on to set the content from the other box towards another plate. That one, you know, is his favorite.

The food is in front of you, ready and only needed to be eaten. So, there's no reason to not have at least a bite. It  _is_ your favorite, after all.

You didn't know you were hungry until you have that one bite, then turned to two bites, and eventually you finished the whole thing from your plate before you know it.

You watch your brother finish his food. It was good. You liked it. The heaviness didn't disappear, but you no longer feel like the weight of the world is pressing on you.

"You feel like doing anything today?" Grayson asks as he takes your empty plate and stacks it with his. The empty boxes were stacked and ready to be thrown into the garbage bin. You wonder if you feel like doing something now, since you do feel better.

"...Not really," you said. You half-expect him to nag and call you lazy and force you to do something with him.

"Okay," Grayson says instead, putting the dirty plates into the sink and washes his hands. You wonder if you can just go back to bed now. You've showered and ate. Your limbs still feel heavy, you want to go back to doing nothing. You can, right? But, you find yourself not wanting to be alone.

You follow Grayson to his room, watching as he throws himself onto his bed with a content sigh. Without asking, you settle yourself beside him, feeling his shoulder against yours. Suddenly, his hair brushes against your cheek and he settles his head on your shoulder. His weight against your arm is... Grounding.

"You good?" he asked, glancing up at you.

"...I'm better," you tell him. He hums and relaxes, you feel his weight getting heavier on your arm. His attention now moves on from you to the phone in his hand.

You lean your weight back towards him, feeling lighter than you did when you wake up. You hate him for making you move, for waking you up. You love him for being by your side, waking you when you wouldn't do it for yourself.

You love him for not leaving you with that weight alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, I'm in a Mood. Also, I'm experimenting with second person POV this time. Please, please tell me what you think of this?


End file.
